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The excerpt represents the core issue or deciding factor on which you must meditate, and is drawn from The Pool in the Desert by Sara Jeanette Duncan: slept? I assure you when I closed my eyes it did not exist for me.
. .Yes, of course, I had seen him, but only somewhere at dinner. .
.As the day went on it changed--it turned into a clear pool, into a
flower. And I--think of my not understanding! I was pleased with
it! For a long time, for days, I never dreamed that it could be
anything but a little secret joy. Then, suddenly--oh, I had not
been perceiving enough!--it was in all my veins, a tide, an
efflorescence, a thing of my very life.
'Then--it was a little late--I understood, and since--
'I began by hating it--being furious, furious--and afraid, too.
Sometimes it was like a low cloud, hovering and travelling always
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